


At the end

by MaryBarrens



Series: Příběhy z Wakandy [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sacrifice, Sad, Soul Stone (Marvel), Steve Rogers Feels, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Vormir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 15:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18576862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryBarrens/pseuds/MaryBarrens
Summary: „Captain Rogers,“ says a familiar voice from under the black cape. Steve forces himself to focus. „I´m happy to see you again.“The last part of the Wakanda stories.





	At the end

There isn´t enough air on Vormir. 

Maybe it´s just a feeling, something that Steve´s just telling himself, a way to tell apart Earth (because Steve was supposed to stay on Earth, he shouldn´t be here, why is he even here?) from everything around it, everything that should have stayed out of reach. Maybe it´s not even that, because Steve hasn´t been able to breathe for months, not since the moment –

( _Steve?_ ) 

Steve thought that he´d never have breathing problems again – not after Erskine and the superserum and becoming Captain America, however temporary it would be. He thought that without the asthma he´d never again have to live through the clenched throat or lungs that were never able to get enough air or gasping for breath. But now… Every breath – not only on Vormir but everywhere, now and in the _before_ time – is too little and every breath hurts and burns, too dry and full of dust…

„Captain Rogers,“ says a familiar voice from under the black cape. Steve forces himself to focus. „I´m happy to see you again.“ 

The tall figure takes off the cape and his face, no, not a face, just a skull, red and horrible, and Steve had no idea he´d ever see him again when Johann Schmidt took the Tesseract into his hands and dissapeared in a sea of cold, blue fire. 

Maybe it´s really a time when no one dies for real. Or it was, before Thanos collected all his stones and took control over the universe. The reality. Before he started to call the shots on other people´s lives. 

„Surprised,“ Schmidt observes and it doesn´t sound like a question. His voice is stable like it´s no surprise at all that they´ve met on the other side of the universe, on a completely different planet, after they´d both died. 

„How does it work?“ asks Tony and looks around. 

It occures to Steve that Tony looks smaller somehow. Older, more tired than Steve remembers him. (Steve still sees his face when he´s got to Wakanda, to the rest of those who´d got left. He remembers perfectly how Tony was shivering, his face white when he told them what had happened on Titan. How his voice broke when he told them about Parker, the boy who had taken Steve´s shield.) 

Red Skull tiltes his head and looks at him thoughtfuly. „Protector of the Earth,“ he says and Tony flinches. 

The truth is that Steve called him the Protector of the Earth too, once. All the Avengers used to be the Protectors of the Earth. Or they were supposed to be. Now there are so few of them and they have failed so miserably. The Protectors of the Earth is the last thing they are now. 

They are lost, now. They have lost so much. Their families, their friends. They´ve lost one half of the whole universe and were unfortunate enough to live, to stay in the quiet, grieving world. 

Steve almost doesn´t remember the first few days, how everyone around him was desperately trying to find something to live for. He barely remembers Tony´s arrival (his face, oh my god, his face!) and then Scott´s. he remembers being shaken and confused when they were trying to find a way to make it right again. 

He remembers kneeling between the trees, dust and Bucky´s gun under his knees, remembers staring into nothing, unable to understand. Just one moment. Everything gone. 

„Sure,“ Tony bitterly agrees. There´s no trace of the old Tony in his voice, no trace of the man who used to make anything into a joke. „I thought so too, for a bit. Not anymore.“ 

Red Skull nods slowly. „You know how it works,“ he says calmly and Steve doesn´t have enough in him to protest. He knows, a little, from what Nebula said. He knows Thanos came here with Gamora. Came back alone. 

Steve may be imagining things without really trying, or maybe he´s read one too many of those cheap books with predictable plot that Bucky loved so much. He may even be wrong, but he´s so sure. Because it makes perfect sense, right? It´s obvious. 

„You knew how it worked even before you came here.“ 

Tony murmurs something, too quietly to hear, and Red Skull doesn´t react, focused on Steve. 

Steve takes a step towards the edge of the cliff – a step towards the abyss – and looks around. It´s a beautiful place, he thinks. Scary, of course, foreign and cold. But beautiful. Pure. It a place out of time, where a person can stay until the very end. A place where anything´s possible. 

„This was a stupid idea,“ says Tony out of nowhere. He is pale, but still looks a little confused, like he still doesn´t understand. „Thanos, all this shit, that was our fault,“ he says softly. „But this was a very, very stupid idea.“ 

Steve knows he´s probably right, but he has to do something. The world is not right, not the way it is now. The whole universe isn´t right. Thanos should´ve never win, he should´ve never have the chance to finish his insane plan. They don´t exactly have many options –

Steve shakily breathes in. 

„I think we should go home,“ Tony says, panic in his face. „We´ll figure out something else.“ 

Steve doesn´t move. 

„ _Steve_ ,“ Tony forces out and there is something in his voice¬¬…

Steve shakes his head. There is only one way to do this, to save what is still possible to save, and Steve cannot do anything else. To try it at least. To try, because even if it doesn´t work – especially if it doesn´t work – what else does he have left? A world he doesn´t want to be a part of? A world that is so empty, so inhospitable without Bucky? 

World with nothing left for him. 

Steve haven´t been really able to breathe for months now, since the moment he´s heard – _Steve?_ – and Bucky turned to dust right in front of him. Just Steve´s name and then dust and ash all around Steve, between his fingers, when he fell to his knees. And Steve may be weak or a coward, maybe he should grind his teeth (ignore the nightmares and the tears and the tight throat, the air full of dust) and go on, not give up, but he can´t anymore. Not again. Not so exhausted. 

Steve wasn´t made for this world. For this century. 

This is such a beautiful view. Peaceful. Appearing, somehow, in a strange, terrifying way. Like danger was, in the first few months after they´d found him in the ice. Steve thinks he finally understands why he would never admit to himself he was in any danger, why he wouldn´t be afraid to jump out of plane without a chute. Why he´d plummeted right into the Arctic, no hesitation. 

Because maybe, somewhere deep down, he wanted to, even _then_ -

„We don´t need a new plan,“ he murmurs absently. „There´s no other way.“ 

Tony´s shoulders tense. „The hell you talking about?“ he asks harshly. Terrified. 

Steve turns to him and smiles. He feels calmer than he´s felt in years. „You can save them, Tony,“ he says softly and swallows. He breathes in again, the horrible air, full of dust even here, under the clear sky and whining stars. He looks at Tony, who´s finally understood, he must´ve had, because he´s pale as death. 

„No –“ Tony tries faintly, hoarsely, and it occurs to Steve if Tony too has problems breathing. If he has to make himself to take every breath, without Pepper, without the people he´s loved as a family, people he´s considered his responsibility. His failure. „ _This_ is the most stupid of all your fucking stupid ideas.“ 

„There´s no other way,“ Steve repeats and looks around again. This isn´t a bad place, for the end. It´s not a bad place at all. As Natasha said, in Sokovia, a long time ago, _where else am I gonna get a view like that_.

_There´s worse ways to go, Steve._

It is appropriate that Red Skull is here, after all those years. Steve would end exactly where he started, with his first enemy. 

„I don´t belong into this time, Tony,“ Steve says softly. Tony frowns and shakes his head. He takes a step in Steve´s direction, but then he stops like he´s afraid to come closer. 

„Stuff it, Rogers!“ 

„I´ve never wanted to live in this time,“ Steve continues and he feels like he finally said something he´s been trying to bury in himself for years. „You never should´ve found me in the ice.“ 

Tony stares at him, frozen in shock. 

Steve turnes to Red Skull. „Will it be enough?“ he asks. „If I do it, does it get us the stone?“ 

„Yes.“ 

„No,“ says Tony and he sounds a little strangled. He shakes his head feverishly. „You _can´t do_ this, Rogers. You _can´t_ –“

„We´ll save them,“ Steve remind and Tony breathes in sharply, because – all the people they´ve lost. „Pepper. We can save Pepper.“ Steve hesitates for a moment and when he speaks up again, his voice is shaking. He´s forcing himself not to cry. „Save him, Tony, please. Save Bucky for me.“ 

Tony blinks. „And what are we supposed to do with your Terminator?“ he asks. 

Steve laughs wetly. „Bucky will be alright. He will make it.“ He swallows. „It was always me who couldn´t live without him.“ 

Tony shuts his eyes, quiet for a few moments. He nods. „I will save him,“ he promises. He starts to shake like there´s something broken inside him now, after all those months – years – but he straightens up again. Tony always finds some strength in himself in the end. „Pleasure to meet you, Captain. It really was.“ 

Steve nods. „Likewise,“ he says honestly. 

Slowly, without another word, Steve turns around and stands on the edge. He looks around one more time. So far away from home, but exactly where he´s supposed to be. 

This really isn´t a bad place. 

For the end.


End file.
